New Letter!

          Finally, the tenth letter has been published! It's called "Good-Bye..." and is the final letter in this first person's perspective. The next two letter shift things around, so the challenge is to write from another person's perspective, which is much more difficult than what I had initially thought. I've made some major progress into the eleventh letter, but it all still feels so incomplete and repetitive. Luckily for me, it's only a rough draft, but I think this rough draft won't be so useful. Still, though I'm behind my schedule (the eleventh letter, in perspective, should have been posted in November!) I'm quite glad how these past few letters have been unfolding. These will tie up everything quite nicely.

De-Loused in the Comatorium

          Why didn't I buy this album sooner?! I actually started off with Frances the Mute, followed by Meccamputecture, The Bedlam in Goliath, and lastly, Nocturniquet. Thus, I'm left with Deloused in the Comatorium and Octahedron missing my The Mars Volta collection. As it's obvious with first inquisitive statement, it's taken me so long to obtain Deloused - four albums to be exact. The Mars Volta is, by far, the band that I'm most ambivalent with. As a progressive rock band, their sounds are conventionally unconventional. By far, The Mars Volta's musical talents in Frances and Meccamputecture are my favorite, but the music in Bedlam was so esoteric and bizarre that it made me hesitant to seek out the others. I eventually got Nocturniquet, despite the Bedlam disappointment. While I still did plan to obtain Deloused and Octahedron, I had planned to buy the albums until much later. The main reason why I bought Deloused much sooner is that I noticed that this album was becoming scarce and harder to come by for some reason. So I indulged and semi-recklessly bought the LP. I'm still in the process of listening to the album, trying to gain an understanding the concept of the album as whole. Soon enough, Octahedron will be in my collection and my The Mars Volta collection will be complete.

Stepping Back

          More and more, the idea of stepping back feels like the right decision to make. I just need some time to collect myself and organize my life in a way that will make me more efficient, productive and happier. It may not be the best decision to make, but I'm willing to do so and be independent from any unnecessary responsibilities and obligations, at least for a month or two. Though, I'm pretty certain that it'll be much longer than a month or two, this first step is the most important step. This first step is what matters! What happens next is up to me to decide. What happens next is up to me to make the most of. I'm both frightened and excited by the prospect of leaving familiar territory and delve for the sake of self-discovery.

Sociology and Writing

          Trying to figure out how to approach studying for my Sociology final has been too complicated. I'll stop for now, but I need to get to it ASAP (meaning Monday). Once that one is taken care of, the rest of the semester hangs on a 15+ research paper and another, less demanding final exam. After that, I can finally put some effort into my writing, the "Dearly Beloved" series (Click here to go there!), which, once again, I have fallen behind schedule. I've already wrote a good chunk of the 10th letter, as well as planned out the 11th letter, so that should be enough to motivate me. There will, most definitely, be a final letter, which will be the 12th. While I do have the next two letter planned out, the 12th letter will be a difficult one to write out. After all, this will conclude these amorous letters, but how remains to be seen.

Finals and Confidence

This is it - it’s down to the wire. Final exams are next week, but I’m not ready nor do I feel confident about my probability of success. The lack of confidence that I have has been exasperating lately. I always second- second-guess myself. I can still remember the times in my life when when I was confident, but they are lucid, surreal at most. I wonder what could be the source of this mental malady.

An Eye Is Upon You...

"Spinning complacently in the darkness, covered and blinded by a blanket of little lives,
False security has lulled the madness of this world into a slumber...

WAKE UP!!
An eye is upon you, staring straight down and keenly through,
Seeing all that you are and everything that you can never be.
Yes, an eye is upon you, an eye ready to blink.
So face forward, with arms wide open and mind reeling,
Your future has arrived...
Are you READY to go?"

- From J.P. Saticoy's "An Eye is Upon You" (1947)      

          Growing up, I wasn't really exposed to science fiction that much. H.G. Wells, Douglas Adams, J.P. Saticoy, Aldous Huxley, Orson Scott Card, and even George Orwell. I feel like I missed out on an era - "They Came From Space!!!", "Tonight the Stars REVOLT!" and other phrases like these are iconic, but seem forgotten. I'd like to get my hands on these sci-fi dime novels and be shocked, terrified, and mystified by the genius minds of these stories and marvel at the possibility that we may not be alone after all...

Something Different...

          I got my hands on some new video editing software over the weekend, so I made this short video with the hope of getting the hang and understanding how the new software works. To some extent, it isn't that very creative or obviously edited, but it gave me enough of a learning curve to begin understanding the workings of the software in hand. Maybe I'm being biased, but I'm pretty happy with the end result of the video. Enjoy!

Random Rant

          It's official - I'm burned out. That's it, I've had enough! I can't write no more. The more I force myself to sit down and write, the more distractions become easier and easier to find. I want this fall semester to be over with and start again fresh next year. I'm looking forward to that pretty soon.

Go Go Gadget Blog Entry!

          Yesterday was such a lazy day for me - I didn't even want to type this up. Perhaps I should be glad that I had such a day? Though with essays and exams looming over me, now is not the best time to unwind, even if I wanted to. Anyhow, I watched "Inspector Gadget" yesterday. I still found it surprisingly entertaining, even if parts of the cinematography as a whole felt outdated. All in all, it was just a nice break from it all. Oh well, the semester goes on. Now is not the time to start dragging my feet to finish it all.

Recognition

          I've been trying to find ways to get recognized in both my serious writing and in my YouTube channel, but I feel like I haven't been making much progress. Trying to do it the fair way is tough, but I'm not too worried or disappointed - I'm not really trying to make a career out of YouTube, but people tell me there is potential in my writing, but I feel like I need a mentor of sorts to help me ameliorate my skills. I just don't know where to look...

Puns

          Lately, I've been feeling "punny" and for some reason, I keep running into them. They always make me smile, at least. Mostly because the joke is crummy joke, yet it's funny nonetheless. For example here are my two favorite pick up puns:

"You must be from Tennessee, because you're the only 'Ten I See!'"

"Are you made of Beryllium, Gold, and Titanium? Because you are 'Be-Au-Ti-ful!'"

...Hopefully, these made your day.

Piñata and Slugger

          Right now, I want to get a Mexican piñata, and just stuff all of my hatred, my frustration, my disappointment, my anger, my envy, my bitterness, my depression, my hopelessness, my jealousy, my loneliness, my faithlessness, my dis-contentedness, my wrath, and my loneliness in the piñata and tear it, beat it, maim it, smash it, kill it, destroy it, pulverize it, decimate it, and annihilate it all until nothing is left, all with a classic Louisville Slugger.

No-Shave November!

          My patchy, splotchy beard is starting to annoy me. I want to shave it off already! But I'm trying to see how long I can go without a shave. It's not even the middle of November and I can't stop scratching myself. I can't wait for this to be over, or at least when I do get a shave.

Further Progress & Tomorrow

          The ninth letter is coming along nicely - maybe a day or two like today and it should be complete! But tomorrow will be a difficult day, since it will be demanding of me. I am confident that I can do all the work, so that isn't a problem. I just hope I can do it effectively.

New Letter In The Works!

          I have finally made some headway into the ninth letter today. It's still needs attention, obviously, but I finally got past that portion of this letter where I couldn't find a transition to the next part. So there isn't one for now. I don't know if omitting a proper transition will work, but for now, it's just a pointless distraction. I'll get to that later. As I've been writing the letter, I've been keeping the title in mind - that way I don't go off track. The title I've had in mind is down to Museum or Future. I don't know just yet - I'll have to finish the letter before I can properly decide on a title.

M.I.A.

"(To) Walk the city lonely,
Memories that haunt are passing by;
A murderer walks your street tonight...
Forgive me for my crimes; don't forget that I was so young,
 Fought so scared in the name of God and country..." 

           ...I haven't been able to properly sleep in these last few days. I can't but feel ungrateful and inconsiderate, as I look out the window, about my life situation and how lucky I am to be sleep in peace. My thoughts shift to my brothers, who are out in Afghanistan, fighting not for Freedom, nor for Democracy, but for survival, just to make to the end of the day alive and sane. I know that when those two return, this final, somber verse will ring true: they won't be family, friends, or lovers, but murderers whose only orders were "Point & Shoot." I forgive them, regardless. I know and understand the cost of war, and I'd be naive to think they weren't affected. That they weren't afflicted. Of course they will be. And it's that thought that frightens me, and it's the truth I must soon face. To what extent it permeates our lives, I don't know. I don't think I want to know.

Caught Up!

          I'm all caught up with one class! One down, two to go.

Post-Election Day....

          I wonder what will happen from now on. The nation, as a majority, decided that Barack Obama is the best choice for the next four years. Things are different now than what they were years ago, and what we're facing now wasn't what we had to deal with four years ago. It's chilling, but simultaneously exciting. I wonder how America will look like in four years' time.

Essays...Essays Everywhere...

          Just a month ago I was tasked to compose two essays. Now, it's three essays with small writing assignments sprinkled in between the three major papers. Not to mention extensive reading and make-up work. It's only Monday morning, and already I have overslept, I lost about an hour to traffic, and I still have to be at some places and see some people. Every little grain that slips through the neck matters right now. I'm trying not to rant, because I don't need that right now, but I am frustrated. I just want to be left alone for several days, just enough to chip away a good chunk. Is that even possible?

An Aussie Beauty Came By Today...

          ...shaken and anxious. Turns out she was hypoglycemic, which I think means there's not enough sugar in her blood (this is why I'm not quitting my day job). So, she charges in pacing frantically, and nabs some cheesecake off the fridge (she paid for later). I offered her a chair and some cold water, and told her to sit for as long as she needed. One of the regulars (whose a bit of a douchey party boy, but can be cool and honest at times - though this wasn't one of those honest times), noticed her sitting nearby, anxious and clearly shaken and starts putting the moves on her! I kept calling him out, and kept telling him that she needs some space (which she did) and that she's be ok with me watching her. Party Boy was playing the whole "hero" role, trying to appear that he cared and was worried. Maybe he was, but I'm not betting on that horse. She wasn't responding so well, since she's trying to calm herself, so he leaves for a bit. At that time, I get her attention and tell her that he's trying to make the moves on her. She didn't realize that - she thought he was being helpful! Good thing I cockblocked! Eventually, Party Boy leaves, and after a while, we start talking. It turned out that she's Australian. I learned that she was foreigner (her accent and slang gave it away, but I thought she might've been English), with a major in Interior Design and Fashion from Australia that she earned years ago, and that she visits friends here in America from time to time. Oh, and she is slightly older than me, which I was surprised - she looked 19/20 at best. I learned all this from talking to her and not flirting and stuff! I know - absurd! When she finally felt better, she asked for directions and I sent her off. Thinking about it now, if I can be honest, I wish I had more time with her: she seemed like she'd make a good friend.

The Acura, Some Free Time, and Lengthy Hair

          Right now, it's a little past one in the morning - you'd think I'd be asleep, right? But I've been distracted and my mind's been racing lately. It all began on Monday. It was the first time I've truly had free time since God-knows-when. So I spent the afternoon immersed in thatgamecompany's offerings: Flow and Flower. Both games are so simple, relaxing, and visually engaging. In Flow, you are a small organism, able to eat and grow and become a gorgeous being. As you delve deeper into the ocean, you encounter other larger beings that you can run away from, or kill and eat them up. It took me a while to get the controls down though, so it was frustrating for while, before it got relaxing. In Flower, you use the wind guide single petals to other flowers, causing them to bloom and plucking a single petal from that flower, too. In each level, the chain of petals get longer and longer, as well as colorful, too. It makes me wish that we, as humans, weren't so negligent of our environment, though I doubt that was the game's intention. Like Flow, it was simple and meant to be relaxing. Here's the official trailer to Flower: 

          Yesterday morning, I was trying to start up my car again. Only it wouldn't go. For some reason, the engine wouldn't turn over. The first thing I thought was that the distributor was shot - again. I swear, my Acura eats distributors for breakfast. Somehow, in the end, I got the engine to turn over, though I feel lucky that it did at all. I'm tempted to go to a mechanic, but I don't have the means to pay for it. I'm going to have to save some money.

          My hair's been getting longer lately, and I'm surprised it took me so long to notice. The last time I had a haircut was mid-July, when one of my best friends was getting married, and I was asked to be a groomsman. So I haven't had a trim since. I don't mind having longer hair. In fact, I enjoy it so much better than shorter hair, though others despise the though of me having lengthy hair. I probably won't be able to get a trim until the end of the year. The one thing I don't like about having my hair at the current length is the fact that it's so shaggy. Think of Michael Cera's hair in Scott Pilgrim vs. The World. It's just like that. It'll be a while before it looks more appealing, unfortunately. Though, if I can be vain for a bit, it's been looking good. My hair is layered quite nicely that I get compliments from women from time to time. So maybe it won't be so bad this time around.

The Space Between Two Worlds...

          I hate to end this week on somber note, but more and more frequently, I have been losing motivation to communicate with my "people," so to speak. By people, I am referring to those of the Mexican culture, to The People of the Sun. Most of this dissatisfaction has to do with work. Many see me and they assume I'm Middle Eastern or Indian or that I don't know Spanish. I hate that I look like something I'm not. I'm exasperated of those nonchalant comments of how I don't look Mexican, or that they're surprised that I know Spanish. It's frustrating when I try to communicate in Spanish and they adamantly continue struggle to speak in English, with their thick accents and poor vocabulary making it difficult to decipher what it is they're looking for. It's almost as if they think I'm too stupid or too ignorant to understand Spanish, the same language passed on to me from my parents. I'll admit that my Spanish isn't the best, but I know others who are worse off than myself. In the end, I really do feel like I'm in the space between two worlds - the one that has defined my parents and our ancestors before them, and the one that I'm forging for my own here in the US. Two very different cultures juxtaposed into one human being - what's one to do?

Cheating Is Not Only Fun, It's Easy! (No Kylie Minogue This Time...)

          Though I guess that's the point of cheating: it's supposed to make things easier. So here's my way of cheating - a new vlog. This was actually all recorded a few weeks ago - I just was finally able to piece it all together. Enjoy!

Simba Is The New Hamlet?!

          I'm working on some research for a compare/contrast essay for a class. These types of essays are some of the easier styles to write out, in my opinion, but they can also be bland and monotonous. The two subjects I chose for this particular essay are Disney's The Lion King and Shakespeare's Hamlet. I knew that TLK (The Lion King) followed the same footsteps as Hamlet, at least as far as the main plot goes. After all, both kings die, both uncles usurp the throne, and both sons expose and reclaim their kingdoms from their uncles (at least,  that really does happen in the TLK). I knew that both stories were connected as such, since I've had this discussion in my 11th grade advanced English class. Now that I'm on my own, however, I'm finding so many similarities and differences that I didn't cover in that class long ago. It's all so fascinating. I'll probably post my essay here once it's complete and evaluated by my professor. After all, I don't like giving nor receiving crap work to or from anyone.

Ever Get That Feeling...

          Where you're surrounded by a crowd of people, yet can't help but feel isolated, alone? Where the madness of this world consumes you, overwhelms you, threatens to destroy you? I could never really find, whenever I closed my eyes, any place that was still and at peace. This is a weight on my shoulders that I don't want nor need, but this social malady haunts me, plagues me, and refuses to leave me alone. This signal of aberration is a bit too much to handle right now...

Reflection Time!

          How I'm hanging on at this point is beyond me. I'm doing very well in my classes, save for one since most of the work is online, and I'm not online as frequently as I must to be able to offer quality work. However, this isn't the point of this post. 

      

          I've been doing some reflections in the back of the fridge at my work (the buzzing drowns out any distracting trains of thought) and I've come to the realization that I've been feeling lonely lately. Not in the "I don't have a girl" kind-of-way, but more of "I need friends." Not that I don't have any, but I've been thinking and realizing that I don't have any one to talk to on a consistent basis on my campus. I guess I'm what's known as a commuter student - that is that I go to campus for as long as I need to, then I leave the site since I have other responsibilities outside of the classroom. I supposed I had envisioned a more interactive experience on campus, but with other responsibilities weighing me down, I'm certain this vision won't be realized for some time. After all, I just started going here, and perhaps I'm asking too much as of now. Still, it would be nice to be able to talk and even have a lunch break with people.

Essays Are Done! (For Now)...

          So I'm burned out today, I've gotten very little sleep these past few days, juggling the two demanding essays as of late. I have now accomplished that feat so I have some free time before I'm smacked with another essay to write up. So for now, in this very precious time, I'm spending it trying to catch up with reading. It beats writing since I'm a bit burned from that. So I'm going to get as much as I can in these few days.

          Incidentally, this 18th post is the same number as the other blog of mine (Found HERE). Not that I'm comparing the two, but it's only been a month and I have the same number of posts here as the other. Shows you how much attention I give to the other blog. But I still must focus on the letters, since I'm only on the ninth letter. I'm surprised how far I've gotten with them.

KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!! (A Kindle Fire HD, That Is...)

          This past weekend, my brothers decided to give me a belated birthday gift. We ventured in the mall, and I couldn't decide what to get. Then it hit me: even though there still things that I want to buy and have (like microphone for my camera, or a tablet of some sort, and even a telescope someday), I was content with what I did have. I didn't need a new gadget or toy, I was completely happy with what I do have. Also, I'd feel guilty that they would even consider spending money on me. I have always played the older brother role, sacrificing my happiness for my siblings. I always missed out on the latest toy so that my brothers would own it, not me. But they were adamant, refusing to accept no for answer. I even told them that I was afraid that I wasn't going to use it to its potential, but they just shrugged off that concern. We made our way to Best Buy.

           Although, I do admit that I have been eyeing a new tablet (I was debating between the Galaxy Note or the New iPad), but I have been wary since my biggest fear was that I would shell out a paycheck for a shiny, new paperweight. I was afraid that I wouldn't know how to use it, or rather, make the most of it, and my brothers understood that insecurity. They knew I'm old-fashioned: I collect CD's, not MP3's; I read books on paper, not electronically; and I watch movies that are on discs, not streamed online. So they pointed to a more convenient and economical tab to start out with: the Kindle Fire HD. They felt confident that this first-ever tablet of mine would help me become accustomed to the more modern technology of today's time. I was simply blown away of their generosity - I simply wasn't expecting that from them. Although, it's my first, I'm feeling happy about it, even if there is still so much to learn and discover of this little machine of mine.

Sick & Tired...

          I feel like there's no time anymore. I have two essays due next week, my weekend is all used up and I am exhausted. I feel like I have these huge bags under my eyes from the poor quality of sleep. I haven't had time to work on anything else but my classwork. However, with one of my assignments, I'm done. This will be the third attempt to write out a four page essay, and at this point, I'd rather take the fall with an F. I'll eventually work my way up to a B and be done with this class.

Cheating is Fun! (Also, Kylie Minogue is involved!)

Gonna cheat again here }:-)

I saw a recent Bally Total Fitness commercial with this weird music. Then I remembered an older BTL commercial with this catchy tune.

The Downward Spiral...

I couldn't believe how easy it was...
I put the bottle to my lips...
FIZZZzzz...So much liquor for such a tiny little hole...
Problems have solutions...you know...
A lifetime of f*cking things up, fixed in one determined chug...

Everything is faded...
Everything is marred in this world...
A deeper shade of mushroom blue...
Fuzzy...spinning out of my head....

Salad Fingers and Distributors!?!

          As I went into work this past Sunday afternoon, I didn't think that my Acura's distributor would give out on me, but it did. A crummy ending to a crummy week. Not all that week was bad, but the ugliness of the week definitely took away the bright attraction of those good moments this week. So yeah, I must replace that distributor if I want to drive my car again.

          Unfortunately, I had to miss classes today and it sucks - I don't want fall behind, not after I went to so much trouble to get back on track! Hopefully, I'm not too far behind. Regardless, some good, albeit in a weird way, did come out of today - I had the chance to do some bonding with my younger brother. He recommended that we watch Salad Fingers (the first episode down below). Words alone can't describe the insanity that is this show! Is it weird that I want to see more of this show?

A New Letter

          So I finally finished the latest entry to my "Dearly Beloved" series. This means that I'm down to four or five letters now (I still haven't decided how many - I still haven't decided the conclusion!). So this is good news, since I'm now caught up! I originally wanted a letter each month, but I failed at that. So, now I'm caught up, provided that I can type up one more letter before the end of this month (which is in 10 days, including today!). I'd better get to work!!!

If I Was A Radio Personality...

...For one day in the week, (preferably in the weekend) this is what my schedule would look like...

Theme: METAL MADNESS!

Opener: Song of the Day (Either my choice or a listener's pick).

First Two Hours: Talk Radio with metal music interspersed.

Third Hour: Crank Calls and Jokes with more metal music interspersed.

Fourth and Fifth Hours: Serious Talks of current events, politics, some religion, and wacky news for fun. Also, more metal music is interspersed. 

 Last Hour: Non-Stop music.

Closer: A small. thought-provoking proverb with a Final Song (usually my pick).

....Or at least something like that.

Today Sucked...

Just...@$#%!...

I'm Gonna Cheat Here...

Posted a new vlog in YouTube. It's sometimes better than typing it out.

My Station Is NOT A Bank!

          It happened again today. Someone was stupid enough to think that I'll accept a hundred dollars for only a few dollar's worth of snacks. I wonder what insane logic runs through their mind when they attempt to do this. What's more frustrating is that THEY get mad at ME for denying them. Don't they see the stupidity in their futile attempt? Why, is this the First Bank of ExxonMobil? Is this the ConocoPhillips Credit Union? NO! And I don't have a thousand dollars sitting under the register just for you! I'm just not that eager to get robbed, or worse. So what gives some of the people I encounter that idea - that they can walk in with one large bill and walk away with a handful of smaller bills? The best part is that they want to see my boss. They say that I'm being unfair and they threaten to take their business elsewhere. What they don't realize is that my boss agrees with me. He argues that it isn't fair for those who actually spend money (usually at least twenty to thirty dollars or more) and need the change. So, I've got that on my side. Still, it's just frustrating dealing with people who think a gas station is a bank.

First Time In A While

          For the first in a while, since I've moved back really, I was finally able to sit down and watch a movie. These past couple of weeks have been demanding, especially after falling behind for a week a while back. You don't want fall behind class schedule on the first week. How did that happen? I didn't take notes in my reading the text, so my professor doubled our work for the second by requiring the first week's reading as well as the second week's. So take it from me, don't fall behind! Anyhow, back to the movie. The video for the week was 300. It's been a while since I've seen it, but I've been wanting to for a while. As we, my siblings and I, were watching it, my brother and me would crack up at certain parts of the movie because we were reminded of what we saw online in a YouTube video (the video's down below). All in all, it was just nice to kick back, relax, and enjoy a visually engaging movie.

What Happened?

          Somehow, I've managed to control the circus that is my life at the moment. Somehow, I'm all caught up in class until new assignments are posted and demanded of me, as well as work becoming more manageable (in the sense that I'm not always exhausted and I can do classwork, too!). Somehow, I'm finding the time to volunteer, to work on my writing, and have some time for piano. On the way to class today, I had to stop and wonder, "What did happen? How is it that I struggled to be on top of my assignments, work, and find time for myself these past two weeks, yet these stresses really assuaged in this third week of the semester?" Of course, this doesn't mean that I've got it easy. I must still put effort into my class work and its assignments, work, and the spontaneous events that occur in life. I must still run from place to place, running a perpetual rat race. So for now, it's somewhat easier to manage, at least until something big disrupts this ebb and flow of false tranquility.

It's Done!

          It took me a while, but I finally finished up the seventh letter (it can be found here: Dearly Beloved (VII)). This means I'm over halfway done now, since I plan to write out 6 or 7 more before I can be done with it. On small tangent, I made a video game reference - maybe you can figure it out! Giving it away's too boring. Even as I'm typing up this entry, my mind's preparing a small outline, jotting down mental notes, and mulling over ideas as to how I want the next letter to unravel itself. The more I think about it, the more my heart races, especially now that I'm so into it, a part of myself is the "Lover" in these letters. Being able to pen down these letters have been amazing, especially because I didn't feel that I was able to express so strongly an emotion that many want, but often don't find. Those that I show these letters to are surprised that I write so well, especially now that I'm writing about things I don't have at the moment (marriage and children). I would love to hear your thoughts, though. I'm not talking about just this specific letter, but any letter in general. Was it too over the top or cheesy? Or could you relate at some parts of the story? Or do they just suck in general? Please don't say that, though.

Some Progress...

          I have finally made some progress with the seventh letter of my "Dearly Beloved" series. I'm about halfway done (I plan to write 12 or 13 letters, though I haven't decided that just yet). It's been more and more difficult to write lately and it's really bugging me, especially since I want to see this completed and then I'd be able to move on. Usually, though it just takes me just a bit of planning (usually just asking some small, but imperative, questions in regards to that specific letter) as well as just trying to wedge in some words that serve as a kick-off to the rest of the letter. So, yeah. That's pretty much it. I'll send a link to the seventh letter soon, when it's complete.

The Pianist

          For the first time, in a good a while, I was able to play the piano. It was frustrating and somewhat depressing to say the least. I began playing the piano years ago, as a high school junior. I continued to play well onto the end of my senior year. Along the way, I learned chords, scales, and even pieces of music that weren't found in the instructional book that was given to us. Those were much more difficult to learn. Also, several years ago, I had enrolled in a beginning piano class at a community college (because I didn't have enough skill to demonstrate that I ways at higher skill level). That was also a good experience, because even though I did know physical aspects of the class, the music theory had really helped me have a more integrated understanding of music works, from more advanced scales as wells as chord inversions.

          But I'm digressing here. Playing the piano, as I said, was frustrating and a bit depressing. It felt like I did forget everything - I couldn't even play my C Major scale properly, and that's the easiest one of all (because there aren't any sharps or flats - the black keys, if you will)! I was strongly relying on muscle memory, feeling my way around the piano by what I had memorized, instead of learned. After 10 minutes of  simply reciting my scales, my wrists had cramped and my fingers felt swollen (even though they weren't).  On top of this, I was only able to recall only two pieces of music that I was able to play fluently; the others were simply fragments, missing more than one section, and simply incomplete.

          However, as much as I'm sad at this revelation, I'm feeling good about myself. Though I may have lost much knowledge of the instrument, I'm still able to recall notes, scales, and chords. That's more than what most people can recite. At least, I'm willing to pick myself up and relearn everything again. Plus, there's a chapel at my school where I can practice, too! I spoke to the University Chaplain and she pretty much gave me permission to play the piano, as long as I respect the times for set aside for worship and prayer, of course. So yeah, I'm not proud of myself for letting this talent slip in to oblivion, but I'm eager and willing to relearn everything to get it back. It almost feels like riding a bicycle all over again.

An Exhausting Weekend...

          While mostly everybody I know is off enjoying this rare three-day weekend celebrating life, as wells not having any responsibilities for the day, I'm finding myself trapped behind 5' by 5' cashier's cubicle, slaving for money that's not mine, dealing with childish adults, and striving to squeeze in some fractions of time for studying. Add this with trying to move from one place to another, as wells as the daily inexorable demands of life, and I can't help but be exhausted. I walk about in a store, stumbling from aisle to aisle, eager to go home. I yawn loudly, and I think people notice. You'd think I'd be sleeping by now, but nope. I'm still frantically trying to squeeze time for homework. I should count my blessings (and don't worry, I am) - I'm just simply worried that I'll just overwork myself and shut down. I'm not at that dangerous level of stress just yet, but I still have to be careful. In the meantime, I still have that digital boob tube best known as YouTube to distract me every now and then. And so, with our further ado, here's something I found the other day. Enjoy!

I know, I know...

          I said "diary" (not "journal"), but isn't that what a diary is? A collection of thoughts, privately and intimately strewn together that tell you, the reader, a more vulnerable side of me. At least, that's what I'm aiming for. Although, this isn't the main blog that I'm focusing on (you can see my other here), this is more of a "behind-the-scenes" blogging style if you will, providing more consistent entries, as opposed to the occasional once-a-month entry (and those will still take place on the other page). Perhaps, it's why this is a "diary" in the loosest sense of the word.