Until almost a week ago, I was somebody's boyfriend. With her, I shared bits and pieces of myself - what I like and don't like; what elevates and depresses me; what I aspire to be, and hope to God I will never become. In our time together, I've learned to care (as best I can) about somebody else and she, by some miraculous act of God, reciprocated that same affection to me.
Only...our time together was temporary.
In surprise, she and I had discussed our relationship, and she realized that we weren't working out as a couple. She pointed out many problems we had: most were valid, a few exaggerated, and some a projection of our insecurities. After this lengthy discussion, I decided to respect her wishes and we eneded our relationship. We hugged, exchanged goodbyes, and we went our separate ways. Just like that.
So now, a few days later, I'm here, writing about this, still in shock at the gravity of what had occurred days ago. I feel numb, disconnected, distant. I don't think reality has kicked in yet. I wonder if she feels the same.
Despite the numbness and disconnections, I don't really feel sad or upset that our time together came to an end, even if it was sudden and unexpected. I'll forever think of her fondly as my first love, who had accepted me for who I was, not what I was. Perhaps that acceptance will always be the best gift she'll ever give me (and believe me, she's given me some pretty cool gifts).
At the end of all this, I didn't just lose a romance - I lost a friend. I lost someone who cared about me, who I cared for in return. I don't know if we'll cross paths again, but I hope someday we can reconnect again, even if we'll be just friends.
Regardless of this, being single again gives me new found hope that I can re-experience this all over again, with someone else. As long as I keep my spirits up, I'll be alright. Perhaps not today or tomorrow, but I'll heal, I'll move on, and I'll love again.
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