Who cried a river and drowned the whole world... [again, kudos if you got this reference :P - hey, you know what? Let me know what you thought the song was (this a hint!), but no Googling the lyrics! lol]
In all seriousness, there's a girl in my life (I know, I know - I can hear your groans already, but hear me out, will you?) and I am in love with her, or at least on the verge of being so (perhaps that would be the most accurate at this point). She is, in short, beautiful. Absolutely astounding. I find her optimistic, hopeful, generous, happy - possessing characteristics not naturally my own. She's the kind of girl who just wants to fall in love: deeply, madly in love. And she does...but with the wrong guys...
...and it's not that she makes wrong decisions or has bad taste in men...
...it's more that the men were rotten to begin with...
...and all I can do is watch...
...at a distance...
...and it hurts...
...very much so...
My heart just drowns in a sea of sorrow, dashed and tossed by torrents of silent anger, frustration. She tells us of how she was disappointed in someone, of how guys creepily hit on her, of how people look at her with signs of aberration at her reality that she's still single...and it all messes with her head. She feels like she's not worthy of love, that she's a person not made for this cruel world, and that something will almost always be wrong with her. The truth is, she is nothing like what she thinks she is.
And all this time, all I can be is her friend, her go-to guy, her impromptu confessional. But what I want to do is hold her tight and feel our hearts clash together in our chests. What I want to do is get lost in her flawless hazel eyes. What I want to do is to hold her hand innocently, make her laugh oh so richly, and have her feel appreciated, loved, and complete. I want to protect her, move mountains for her, be strong for her. This is what I want, and this is something I can't have. She keeps her distance from me, selectively choosing when to talk to me. I patiently wait for her, all the while trying to reach out to her. Time and distance threatens to tear us apart and I'm feeling frightened and nervous.
Even before I developed feelings for her, I admired her. She spoke her mind with me, without restraint. She did her best to help others, to be a part of their daily lives, to be a positive influence to others. She tried to make the best of her situations, despite being constantly troubled by both strangers and familiar faces. She constantly smiles while holding back silent tears of frustration and hurt.
There is so much I could say, so much I could do, but perhaps it'll never be enough. Even if nothing romantic develops between us, she's still a friend to me...and I miss talking to her on a daily basis.
In some ways, I hope that she doesn't read this and in some ways, I do hope she indeed does read this...
...but one can always hope, right?...
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